Transitions Hurt Sometimes

“Transitions must transist” a dear love of mine once told me. He meant to tell me that we can’t hold on to everything and every moment as if it will last forever. Things change. Circumstances change. Go with the flow. Fly. After all, transitions must transist”. His word. This never became more true to me than in the beginning of this year. The year of the Fire Monkey. The year where things were not going to calmly move along, or wait on me to make decisions. The year where if I don’t take the hint and move then I’ll be pushed. Sometimes transitions can hurt like hell.
There was something different about this year from its beginning. As if the usual routines just were not going to cut it anymore.There would be no more comfort levels, security blankets or self sabotaging excuses. The revelations of the past two years, were ready to burst into present reality. No more hiding to keep peace. No more silently dying. It was like my dear loves words were watching over me “transitions must’s ok”.
   After personal losses in the end of 2015, I went through some personal transition where I had to answer many questions about my being. This was a transition of healing and moving forward. After this I was scared of the actual movement of transition. I had been trying to force myself into a mold to succeed at my job. That was not working. My finances were in a wreck and I had thought about bankruptcy. The most minimal things became disasters, like a vacation that found me wrecking my car and losing more money. All attempts at maintaining comfort failed. I was on the crossroads of new beginnings or trying to numb out to survive. Somewhere in the wreckage I looked towards the Heavens and said “whatever God, whatever you want”. Be careful what you pray for.
    Withing a two week period after the prayer, I lost my job. My pay was cut and I was forced to make decisions and to actively look for other options in life. It was a push. After the immediate shock and hurt of the unfair treatment I had received, I realized how free I now I was. Free to have time, time to think, to write and to stretch my limits. I had a new job in a matter of days, with new prospects. I made five writing submissions, whether they are published or not is not the point. The renewed sense of creativity that is flowing is it’s own transition. I paid off a small portion of my debt. I stopped smoking, this time with very little effort. It was just time. My body wouldn’t do it anymore. I enrolled in a Master Degree program, and am active in own life. Like all transitions, when the time comes, they must transist, here in the year of changes. That fire monkey stuff.
* Note* I understand that “transist’ is not a literary word for transition. This was truly a term my friend used and one that stays with me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s