Quitting

I’m a former smoker, as of last week. It isn’t the first time either. Once, I had an acupuncturist help me quit smoking and it stuck for a good while. What ever really is a good reason or excuse to light up another one? It is never as good as we smokers imagine it will be. Much like my acupuncturist and I agreed…a cigarette is like that boyfriend that beats us but we keep going back to him. Because we know him. He is who we turn to when we are sad, lonely or stressed. Then before we know it he is back in our bed, controlling our life and killing our health. All the elements are there. Addiction of any kind is emotional, and nicotine is so easily addictive and so present in our lives, that it is hard not to relate smoking and the smoker to being a bond of sorts. So this time when I let it go, I let it go softly. I thought of it just like a relationship, and wrote a poem about it.

I’ve quit you so many times
and I always come running back
You are like a boyfriend
who takes all my energy
my time and my best
and you give me nothing back
I spend so much money
we hide behind closed doors
we take a deep breath together
and wonder what all this hiding is for
you give nothing
you add nothing
you heal nothing

Quitting
Quitting you again

You’re like an abusive boyfriend
a family member
an ex husband or memory
that keeps me curled up
making my initiative lazy
you make me old
and when you aren’t around
I start acting crazy

Quitting
I’m quitting you again
and if I falter
I’m gonna think of you just like this
like an abusive boyfriend
a lazy ass lover
an ex husband who knows my weakness
A taker
a taker
with nothing to give me

you cant have my money
you cant have my breath
or my life
anymore
smoke