In the way words hold memories

and memories hold words

sometimes to imprint harshly

and sometimes to undo damages done

some words gave wings

and spaces made those wings fly

in places maybe only poets understand

and understand what words cant explain

even in silences working things out

preparing for the replenish
to be expressed

in that space my wings are folded

listening to silence
or a hum drum hum

that is waiting for that expression

listening for the things only poets understand

or working it out
knowing I might not hear it again

butterfly-wallpaper-6 (1)

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Celebrate

Remembering the fire

Carrying it in my heart

long a song I wrote

and my baby sang with me

praying in my soul

getting some clarity

out of all that condensed time

that now stretches out like an accordion

breathing and out

hey man I know you

I’ve got you here close to me

said I would stay
stay till you wanted me to leave

I guess you never did
or you never did say

but how selfish of me
to want to keep you

in that safe and tired space

so now I breathe in the fire
and the words and the times and frames

keeping them in their remembered place

hey man I know you

you saw me through any pretense
and heard things no one else could

so I let that coyote run

let that butterfly fly away

let that star rise

those transitions that put tears on my face
and for once it’s okay

how could I try to keep

what has outgrown the frame

you and me

transitions must transist

and it’s all good

it is just what it is

so the moon is out after the sky has cried

and I hold my coyote’s butterfly

to my side

and smile for once

on the outside

celebrate my love

celebrating life

coyote

Thank You

To the man who heard my voice

and let me in his world

Thank you

For the late nights

talking about nothing but everything

and all those lines

all those lines in between

Thank You

In this world of definitions

about whats real or beneficial

baby you were real and beneficial to me

for all the involvement and authenticity

for saying your own thank you

when it wasn’t necessary

for all the grateful times

thank you
for letting me unwind

after small disasters in my life

thank you

for just letting me in
giving time sensitive advice

from a fully lived life

thank you

for the love and muchness

that was ours in our moments

thank you

for allowing this creative woman
to be creative
and act out in rare forms
outside the box

and outside the world

Thank you

for always thanking me for being me

Thank you
Thank you for being my friend
being a kind of lover
and being a man

 

The banker mans been callin

and I don’t care

The bills are behind

I don’t care

and hey there is another shooting

and they are taking more of our money away

and I know I should

but I just don’t

call me apathetic

as I look at the overload

of all the senses

and I just shut down somewhere

somewhere

it happened so fast

I pray and pray

smile for the season

and play the role I play

but at the end of the day

come home to big mess

just a big mess and I look around and
I don’t care

people call and unload their many pains

and I listen and say things I’ve always said

look at my many books

taking up spaces and I’ve never read

finally understanding pyromaniacs
maybe one day they just didn’t care

I’m not angry

too much of that going around

I just dont care

 

 

I was trying to get to you
but someone shut the doors

I was trying to find you
but you flew away

I was dreaming I was crying
funny how it all goes back to dreams
more real than reality
or what reality is willing to believe

I was trying to hold you
knowing at sometime you would leave

I was trying to keep you
but some things cant really be kept

so I dreamed for you
and kept a window open

instead

'Sitting at an open window that night...'. Kirdyanov Denis

Painting by Kirdyanov Denis

November 2012

Sometimes we deal in emotions
Trying to place blame
Trying to figure out our ways
And just trying to count instances
Explaining how we spend our days
I’ve been through all that
And it really doesn’t matter
That battles over isn’t it
And still the missing sometimes shatters
Still waters gather and they just make their own their own weather
Close my eyes and I’m in a night
Sometime in a November
Before election days
And I miss you
Things could have been different
As always things could be
Grown child never as grown is not really seen
We are always like a child
In some kind of way
And those moments hit us in the absence
And I miss you
I know there are no questions
Not where you are now
And everything is understood
I don’t un bury those things that wonder
And I don’t dig up old bones
To pick with you
Guess I’ll always be the good girl
And the first born
And always just like you
Sometimes in some way
But on some nights
When I close my eyes
I’m at a house in the dead of night
And it’s November
Before Election Day
And I hear your rants
And so glad you can’t see the future
Because where you are there aren’t questions unanswered
And I know you know
The question of love and missing
Is complete
As love and missing should be
Some things could have been different
And sorry is sorry they weren’t
Lessons in life usually are later learned
And sad little embers
Come back and burn
Your laughter and tears
Your unwavering stances
And misunderstandings
Doesn’t matter
On that still night in November

” I think we are always five years old, in the presence or absence of our parents”- Sherman Alexie

Tellin

He said I’ll tell you something
Something need to be told
And those need to be tolds
Are truths too loud to behold
And I’ll tell you something
Something only you would know
And it don’t make no difference
Except when it does
Makes who we are a whole of who we were
Too young then for the whole to occur
And after a while it’s stories to tell
And something’s to pass on
Secrets to bury
Or foundations to stand on
He said I’ll tell you something
I said oh I knew you would
Does it make any difference
If it ever could
Somebody carries those weights
And somebody protects those times
I’ll tell you something
Just don’t sell it in rhymes
Some things are meant to stay
And stay where they are in time